Welp, we saw it. about 24 hours before most everyone else. Why it "officially" opens tomorrow while it was all over town tonight.. I dunno. But here you go. Firsties. Did we like it? Hate it? Do we miss George Lucas? Was a Steamboat Willie cameo really necessary? Gonna have to listen.
Oh yea.. spoilers.. obviously.
Dana and I (Pierre was busy at his improv class) decided to give some quick reactions to the new SWTFA trailer shown at halftime of last night's Monday Night Football game on <Monolithic Behemoth Cable Sports Conglomerate Channel>. This was convenient for Dana, who's a huge football fan and was pleasantly surprised when his halftime of insightful player profiles and Sunday game highlights were interrupted with a new 2 minute nerdgasm that should satiate us another 2 months until the film's release.
We planned to just chat for about 15 minutes, but ended up prattling on for over an hour about what clues this gives us as to the movie's content, which we're likely to be mostly dead wrong about. And, as usual, it quickly devolves to more bitching about the prequels, 'cause that's what happens when we talk Star Wars.
Music: "Star Wars Cantina Song" by Richard Cheese
James Kahn, one of the coolest nicest dudes you'll come across, not to mention writer of the novelizations of some of the greatest films ever, just had his Indiegogo crowd fund site for his upcoming movie project go live. So go there and donate everything you have, then rob an armored truck to send some more. Ok, we can't really advocate you taking those extreme measures, but to donate. As this film is going to star none other than:
The great Ronny Cox has signed on to star in James's flick, Wrongside Bob. In fact, I have it on good authority, Ronny will be donning this very same prosthetic, and performing all his lines and some musical numbers with this makeup seen above.
Ok, I just made that entire last part up but a guy can dream, no? An new indie flick with Ronny Cox is reason enough to donate some cash. Ronny Cox starring in an indie flick made by the guy who novelized Return of the Jedi? It doesn't get any cooler than that.
From the man himself:
Hi! Thanks for reading this.
This is it! I'm making my own movie! After decades of getting other people's stories up on the screen (www.thatjameskahn.com), I've taken the scary leap into the abyss of my longtime dream - to write and direct my own film.
Titled WRONGSIDE BOB, it's a comedy/drama with my music, about the masks we wear and the risk of exposing our inner selves. This story is close to my heart on many levels.
All of which makes it hard to ask, but here it is: I need money to get my movie made. I'm extending my hand to you.
The Indiegogo crowdfunding campaign launches October 15. You can donate at
If you can't spare any money (or if you can), I hope you'll forward this letter to your email contacts, and post it on Facebook, to let your friends know about me. They can get some great perks for donating, and I promise to make a really cool movie we can all be proud of.
Rachel joins us for this one, and it was actually her idea to do this movie. Not that Pierre or I objected. We love it. We all agree it's one of those movies where if you're just flipping the channels, come across Die Hard at any point in the film, and you're locked in until the end. Can't say the same for any of the sequels though.
Anyway, start this commentary track as soon as the 20th Century Fox logo fades out. Also, there are lots of technical difficulties and crap but our banter is so insightful and engaging you won't mind at all.
Every kid's dream (well ok.. maybe just hardcore nerds like Pierre and I) was that the video games they were playing might become real life. So naturally, as kids we loved movies where this happened. First we reexamine The Last Starfighter, where an ambitious kid from a dead-end small town gets a chance to be a space fighter hero. Perfect 80s sci-fi fodder.
Next we delve into the original Tron. Where a young Jeffrey Lebowski takes a turn as a computer hacker and embarks on an awesome cyber adventure. Ok, maybe it really wasn't the origin story for The Big Lebowski, but I like to pretend it was.
Music: "Rerezzed" by Daft Punk, "Video Game Song" by Nightcore, "End of Line" by Daft Punk
Here we go again, with another one of these totally original, unique movie commentary deals that no one else on the internet ever does... ahem..
You remember this one right? Something about juggling and a guy with bad skin and a fedora? Well, with the recent pasing of the great Wes Craven, Pierre and I delve into the start of arguably the top horror movie franchise of all time. True, Freddy came around after Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers, but his one-liners were much more well thought out and timely.
To sync this one correctly, start the commentary track as soon as the "New Line Cinema" flashing red letters disappear. Or.. you know, just listen to us yammer on about random stuff with no visual context. If you're into that kind of thing.
If you wanted to make a profound social statement in the 80s, you knew what to do. Unite the forces of John Carpenter and Roddy Piper, of course. These two 80's icons produced the cult classic Pierre and I dicuss today, after Pierre's long hiatus on the run from vengeful Quakers. (and month-long vacation in Miami)
Before we weigh in on Mr. Piper's Opus, we talk about his wrestling days, and how he was possibly the greatest professional wrestling heel ever. Also we plug our new politics-only podcast you definitely want to avoid if you're either of our fathers.
Music: "For Everyone" and "I'm Your Man" by Rowdy Roddy Piper
Dear god when will it stop? Jerrod from CineSnob.net joins us to tackle that existential question and break down which reboots are worthwhile, which are pointless, and the upcoming ones that make us cringe. Then we play producer and pick our own old movies we'd like to se rebooted, because there's no doubt that Hollywood listens to this podcast religiously.
As usual, we meander way off course and talk some MST3K and Tommy Wiseau and whatnot, but you'll listen regardless because you need it like oxygen.
Check out Cinesnob.net at, well.. Cinesnob.net
Music: "Bohemnian Rhapsody" by Queen but sung by some guy, "I Remember You" by Skid Row, "One Track Lover" by Doctors Rick Dagless and Lucien Sanchez.
Remember when Metropolis and Smallville got completely destoryed while Superman was off being angsty? No? Oh.. yea, I guess movies are different now. How about when Batman didn't care about Gotham and just wanted to kick Superman's ass. And he was played by Ben Affleck. Good god.. what kind of world is this for our kids?
Anyway, yea, we go back to a time where Superhero movies were fun and inspiring. Not so much emo and brutal. How quaint we were.
Music: "Superman Theme" by John Williams, "Batdance" by Prince, "Jimmy Olsen's Blues" by Spin Doctors
So, Pierre and I decide to get topical. When this movie came out in 1986, even the trailer made us /facepalm as 10 year olds. But recently, unless you've been avoiding all news and social media, you may have noticed recently life has kinda imitated "art." Could it be the head of the Spokane NAACP was inspired this awful movie? Ok, probably not, but we decide to make the commentary a little more serious, as only American middle class white guys can when spouting off opinions about the depressing state of race relations. (like our opinions matter most)
To sync up the commentary with the movie, start the track when the "NEW WORLD PICTURES" logo comes up.
*By the way, if you like these commentary tracks, naturally you should love Rifftrax! They do what we do, but a lot funnier and they sort of came up with the idea 25 years ago. Click below to view their site - it won't hurt, we promise.
This week we are delighted to have fellow native Floridian Jay W Friedman, host of "I Don't Even Own a Television" with us to talk about the best (and not so best) novels turned into major motion pictures. Since we're all big King fans, we pretty much stick with those. Also, Travis fucks up and forgets that King actually did write "The Mist," the movie ending of which was so fucked up even King didn't imagine it.
Listen to I Don't Even Own a Television: http://idontevenownatelevision.com/
Music: "The Shining" by Black Sabbath, "Pet Sematary" by The Ramones, "Bill O'Reilly F*ck IT Remix" by Lucian Piane
Well, after nearly 6 months on the air we finally tackled the holy mother of retro podcast fodder... the Rubik's cube. Oh, and we also get a bit into Star Wars. Ok yea, it's all about Star Wars. And oh boy, is this one a clusterfuck. Guests coming and going, dropped Skype connections, you name it, we bring the amateur hour swag, and you love it.
Carl pops in as our 1st ever repeat guest, and Bulent Hasan from the Generation-X Wing podcast joins in as we bounce around mindlessly from the original trilogy, to the prequels (which Bulent tries valiantly to find some redeeming qualities about), to our expectations for the Force Awakens. So, let's jump right in, shall we?
Generation-X Wing: http://www.generationxwing.com/
Bulent Hasan's work: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2899765/
Music: "Star Wars Theme" by John Williams, "Lapti Nek" by Michele Gruska, John and Joseph Williams
Well.. I can't imagine who we got this idea from.. *cough.. puke*
Anyway, to sync up our enthralling commentary with the movie, hit play as soon as you see the Movie title with the red font come up.. err.. this:
You can stream the movie via Amazon movies, Google movies.. whatever. You know how to internet.
Enjoy! By the way, if you like this you should love Rifftrax - check out their latest episodes by clicking below!
A staple of growing up in the 80s was undoubtedly Arnold Schwarzenegger movies. Long before he was cheating on Maria Shriver and being the Governator, he was making movies.
These are 2 of our favorites, and as we discovered, may be our favoites because they are the least typical Arnold movies of the time. Pierre and I re-cap these 2 great flicks and also discuss why this is the greatest avatar of all time:
Music: "The Arnold Schwarzenegger Song" by byggarebob123, "First Dream" by Jerry Goldsmith, "See you at the Party Richter" by Austrian Death Machine
You remember these films.. right? We kinda did. I invite my old friend and bandmate Carl to talk about this innocent slice of our childhood (pun sorta intended) and Pierre, Carl, and I manage to recap every friggin movie...sorta. As you might expect, near the end we completely lose our minds and start blathering nonsense. Of course, that could be said about the entirety of every show to date.. so enjoy!
Music: "Friday the 13th theme" from the movie, "Man Behind the Mask" by Alice Cooper, "It's Jason Voorhees!" by Beats Antique
So Pierre, David, and I drone on and on about Star Trek. Including looking back at all the original cast movies and talking about what we anticipate the next "new" movie installment will look like sans JJ Abrams. Apparently it's being directed by the Fast and Furious guy.. so.. .. ok.
There are some audio issues with this one thanks to Skype, so blame them.
Musical Interludes: "Theme from Star Trek the Next Generation" from the show, "Star Trekkin'" by The Firm
Movies based on video games.. what a great idea! In theory, at least. The ones we examine in this episode.. not so much. Except Pierre really likes the Double Dragon movie, for some reason. I don't know.. ask him.
Personally, I would have preferred the Double Dribble movie.
Which come to think of it, is a weird name for a basketball video game. It would be like calling a football game "False Start" or "Illegal use of hands." But no matter, where else are you gonna get slow-motion cut animation of gray men in short shorts reverse dunking?
Anyway, Pierre and I then tackle the Citizen Kane of terrible video game movies.. yea.. you know the one..
Musical Interludes: "Super Mario Brothers Theme" by Koji Kondo, "Super Mario Brothers Movie Trailer" from the movie, "Super Mario theme goes metal 2012" by Charlie Parra del Riego
What's more terrifying than witnessing carnivorous pigs eating human bodies to cover up a serial killer's horrible deeds? How about not ever actually seeing that happen, but being told that things like that may be going on in town? If that sounds incomprehensibly stupid, then congratulations, you are not one of the producers of 1972's Pigs. (although in a newly edited version, there are a few pigs to be seen briefly... yay?) Director Marc Lawrence casts his own daughter in a role where she's raped by and murders her own father.. not sure even Freud could unravel those family dynamics.
Travis uses the term "creepy" about 487 times while describing this movie and that amount doesn't do it justice.
Meanwhile, giant radioactive mosquitoes are a minor inconvenience for a desert town of 10 or so uninteresting people. But there is that toymaker guy from Blade Runner (and former Oscar Nominee Michael J Pollard).. so that's something.
Musical Interludes: "Somebody's Waitin' For you" by Charles Bernstein, "Skeeter on my Peter" by John Valby, "Pigs (Three Different Ones)" by Pink Floyd
Little kids just love a horribly misguided cash-grab movie off a popular trading card. And like most movies for 9 year olds it features: Uncomforable sexual tension, attempted murder by torture and drowning, a creepy middle aged guy hand-bathing a barely-teenage boy, umm.. a look into the competitve world of independent fashion design(?) and of course, nightmare-inducing life-sized puppets. Also.. Peter Dinklage cameo!
Oh man, this one's got it all. A movie so wrong on so many levels it's almost... well.... right. Almost.
Before that we wax nostalgic about the cards themselves, which are much more appealing and appropriate for kids than the movie.
Musical Interludes: "You can be a Garbage Pail Kid" by Jimmy Scarlett and The Dimensions, "Working With Each Other" by the Garbage Pail Kids (robbed at the '87 grammys, IMO), "We Care A Lot" by Faith No More
Witness the work of auteurs who bring together David Naughton, Michael (J) Fox, and Pee Wee Herman in a role that will surprise you. No, I'm not just naming random 80s actors, these 3 and more appear in a true classic of retro absurdity called Midnight Madness. Brought to you by the same people who produced Cinderella, Snow White, and Star Wars Eps. VII-IX, enjoy a wacky comedic romp filled with mute nameless actors, racism, sexism, constant shameless fat jokes, and the greatest line in movie history. Pierre and I have decided this is the most in-depth, comprehensive examination of this movie ever, so yea.. Enjoy as we dissect this film like the rare specimen it is.
Also, if you somehow haven't seen this movie, from the 40:00 mark on are major spoilers, so you're warned.
Musical interludes: "Midnight Madness Theme" from the movie (duh), "Midnight Madness" by The Chemical Brothers